Trusting Yourself & Going The Distance - A Story

“I’m moving to San Francisco to be with Neil!” I told my two friends at a Manhattan café in August of 2014.

I was living in New York City for the last three years and I LOVED it. I was single in my 20s, living in Manhattan, what’s not to love? I had made friends who became family. I actually looked forward to going to my advertising job (back then) because I got to hang out with my best friends who always kept me sharp with their witty and sarcastic tongues.

I met Neil almost on a whim, on a trip to San Francisco I had planned with my high school friends from Chicago. I got there single and left…pretty much with a boyfriend! The connection was unlike anything I ever experienced. It felt like red roses everyday. It felt like Cadbury eggs and Reese’s candies on off peak season. It felt like finding that last missing puzzle piece in the middle of some dusty cobwebs behind the couch that no one really sits on. Neil was literally too good to be true – fun, motivated, grounded, British, brown, and did I mention HOT AF??

Us finding each other seemed almost like an impossibility. Almost.

There was just one tiny detail in our way – 3,000 miles. We did long distance dating for a year, hopping on planes from once a month to multiple times a month - a full on adventure every time we were together because we wanted to make the most of our time before going eons apart again. But it was 8 months in when he said, “When are you going to move here?” I gasped. Sir, I am but a lady! Aren’t you supposed to move HERE?? The idea of leaving this amazing city was too difficult to imagine. I originally moved in the hopes of furthering my acting/writing career which had taken a partial backseat with all the distractions but still, I had held on to my hopes of growing in that direction.

I soon realized that although San Francisco was not a budding place for what I wanted to do BUT it was also exactly where I needed to be if I wanted another lifelong dream to come true: to be with the love of my life.

Eventually I realized this dream overrode my creative aspirations – FOR NOW.

To be completely honest, what helped ease my fears of potentially throwing away everything creative I worked for was the fact that Los Angeles was only a 45 min plane ride away. I’d whisper to myself in the darkness, if things didn’t work out, at least I had L.A.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” My friends replied, when I told them I was moving.

It was bizarre. Friend and friend, continued to doubt my decision. And these were people who got to know him and saw how happy we were together! Even my mom freaked out, regardless of how much I told her how amazing he was. And then I remembered why.

I had originally moved to New York City with my boyfriend from Chicago of 6 years. But when he finally made the physical move, a couple weeks after I secured an apartment and got things settled, I met him in our shoebox unit in 5th floor walk up, bubble wrap in hand when the first words out of his mouth were, “I could never see myself marrying you.”

And just like that, POP, it was over.

New friends got to know me, first, as the girl who got her heartbroken in New York. And I think a part of them were determined to change my story to the girl who had the time of her f***ing life in New York.

My friends were looking out for me. But they just didn’t know. This time was different. This person was different.

When it came down to it, it was appallingly easy for me to leave. I gave away everything I could. I never felt less attached to things in my life. Parting with my little NYC family, though, was the most difficult. We shared an intense bond where at any given moment we would call or text each other, and dart across town just to release our woes over a drink. Or… to help me catch the odd mouse in my apartment. The actual process of moving should have been stressful, but it came as a relief and just part of what had to be done. My intent was so strong that it was all I could see – my bright and shining future waiting for me in another city. And it was all I needed to guide me.

Along the way, though, my body had other sentiments. I experienced my first panic attack that sent me to the ER because WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?? You wouldn’t believe the disappointment on my face when they told me what it was. “ARE YOU SURE THO??”

Neil flew out the following day, and honestly that act alone was enough to silence the haters (and my mom).

Two months later, I finally made it to San Francisco and six months later, we moved to L.A.

I pity the fool who says you can’t have it all.

Today, we’ve been married for 5 years. And like any other couple, we’re navigating our relationship the best we could. What has helped immensely has been continuously being open to learning from each other. Today, I am a full time creative, I have the love of my life and the DOG of my life. And while I don’t know what the next 5 years will be like, what continues to remain true for me is: when you know, you really f*cking know.